These may be things...

that appeal only to this mama's heart, but nonetheless...here they are...

A few nights ago as I attempted to cook dinner, I couldn't help but notice that Dylan was not a happy camper. Rather than busying himself with the magnetic letters and "fridge DJ" like he usually does, he sat on the kitchen floor and yelled and fussed.

It continued this way until Cassidy came running into the kitchen holding a piece of paper with a drawing she had just finished. She took the paper, stuck it on the refrigerator and proclaimed, "There. That should help".



I asked her what it was and she said that it was a "picture for Dylan to remind him how to act". The first face is a picture of Dylan with a smiley face and the second is a picture of Dylan with a sad face...and a line through it.



Ah, so hard to believe that this little one can be such a serious fussbudget, isn't it?



Oh but he CAN! And each time he started to fuss, Cassidy would say, "Uh uh uh! Look at the picture, Dylan. Look at the picture...".

~~~

And on another note:

In addition to increasing his signing vocabulary (his very best sign now being "ice cream" which he signs frantically about half-way through dinner), Dylan has also begun speaking (and attempting to speak) more words! This has been really exciting for us! I kept forgetting to get a video and then finally remembered mid-way through his breakfast yesterday, so please pardon the food in his mouth.

Here are a few of his favorite words:



Some other words that he loves to say but that I forgot to ask him about are: papa (cough), up, "Tass" (Cass), sock, mama, dada...

Because we have moved, we have been on an Early Intervention vacation for about 2 months! Yikes! We officially began again last Friday and are looking forward to learning lots in the next 5 months before ol' Dylan heads off to PRESCHOOL!!

As the saying goes, "The days are long but the years are short". Enjoy IT!

No Vague Dream

I received this quote in my email the other day and felt it so fitting:

"One is happy as a result of one's own efforts - once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness - simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self-denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience.

Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain."

-George Sand


I hope that when my total belief in this Happiness Project begins to waver, because I am quite certain that at some point it will, I can go back and reread this quote and remind myself that yes, it is right. It is true. Keep at it. Maybe it doesn't feel like it right now, but it's working. It is!

And this. This one, too:

"In my view happiness includes chiefly the idea of 'satisfaction after full
honest effort.' Everybody is guilty of mistakes and of serious
mistakes...But it need not be fatal to a general satisfaction...But no one
can possibly be satisfied, and therefore no one can in my sense be happy,
who feels that in some paramount affair he has failed to take up the
challenge of life."

—Arnold Bennett


My January goals are coming along. Working out is wonderful, I am tackling tasks left and right, and I am making a point of trying to act more energetic. Now, "organizing and tossing out"? That is one goal that I am failing miserably at! Ah well. As the woman in my On Demand yoga workout said this morning - "It doesn't have to be perfect. It takes time and it takes practice."...

So, onward we go. One day at a time. Learning, working, practicing, and seeing the good in all things.

The Happiness Project - January

Since I have begun reading The Happiness Project, I have been a woman on a mission. I've been consumed with feelings of purpose, direction, understanding and connection... finally.

That book was waiting for me that day in the library, I just know it.

This past week, whenever I noticed that my kids were engaged in something other than me, I would grab my little library book, my trusty lined notepad, and a pen. I'd pick up right where I left off.

The author, Gretchen Rubin, began her Happiness Project in January. Perfect - so will I. She began her project launch with a focus on boosting energy. It makes perfect sense to me - boosting energy will make it easier to stick to all of the happiness project resolutions for future months. So, like Gretchen, I have committed to "Vitality" for the month of January.

Vitality for me includes:
1. working out
2. acting more energetic (act the way you want to feel)
3. tossing out, organizing
4. tackling nagging tasks

I have created a "resolutions chart" which I hope will hold me accountable for these four goals for the month of January. It is currently taped on my refrigerator, waiting, eagerly...

Oh...if you know me you know that I have spent the majority of my life "working out". I swam my way through elementary, middle, high school and then college, too. As if that wasn't enough, I continued to swim for a masters team in Colorado after graduation from college. I then added cycling and running to the mix and competed in triathlons as well as a full marathon while living in California.

After I had Cassidy, I stopped exercising. Completely. People said, "Oh, well, you're busy." "You're a mom now.". "You must be too tired.". I'd say, "Well, yes, that's it.". Then I had Dylan and apparently I was even busier and even more tired. Yes I was, but if I really wanted to, I could have found a way to exercise. I could have made it happen, absolutely. The truth of the matter was, I had lost it. I had lost the spark, the desire, the fire that I once had. Every single ounce of my soul had gone into my kids. Exercise no longer mattered to me.

It matters to me now.

Four days ago, I set my watch alarm for 5:30am. I figured my kids would be up shortly after that, but perhaps I could squeeze in a 20 minute Jillian Michael's workout (my sister had just recently showed me how to use "On Demand". How awesome is that?!). At 5:26am Cassidy came shuffling into my room, "Can I lay with you?". "Oh Cass...I'm doing my exercises this morning. Remember?". (I was so excited about my upcoming workout I had told Cass all about it the night before.) She said she'd do it with me. So, we both did Jillian Michael's in our pjs. We used water bottles for weights. We banged on the floor so loudly doing our jumping jacks that we accidentally woke up Dylan. Not ideal, but a start nonetheless.

And there we go. I started. I did it and I'm going to keep doing it.




Oh...

My Happiness Project...I wonder if this all sounds horribly selfish? Yes, one of my goals in doing this is to be happier, but in being happier, I will be able to make others happier as well. I know, without question, that being a happier Laurie will help me to be a better mama, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, advocate, etc etc... If I want to do all that I know I want to do, it has to start like this...with me.

There is so much more to share, but those are posts for another day.

For now: Happy.

The Happiness Project

We were at the library this morning making our way towards the Children's Room. We had just walked in and Dylan was already flailing about in the stroller. Out of habit I said, "Shhhh... Please.". Cassidy was insistent on taking off her jacket even though I had just asked her to please not do that. I was sweating even though it was 22 degrees outside. I took a deep breath and glanced over at a table nearby. Among this table of neatly stacked books was one that was differently placed. It caught my eye and I picked it up. "The Happiness Project", by Gretchen Rubin...

Lately I have been feeling a deep desire to find...something. An answer. A purpose. A focus. Energy. I'm searching and searching, but really, what exactly is it that I am looking for anyway? Peace? Meaning? Contentment?

Yes, all of those things, and more, too, but deep down, way deep down in my gut I want to be happier. I know that sounds obvious and anticlimactic, but I mean it. I want. to be. HAPPIER! I want to feel true happiness in this one life that I have.

I want to appreciate the things that truly matter.

I want to make things happen, take control, make a difference, be better. I want to dig up what I know is in there somewhere.

Yes. I want to be happier. And that is not to say that I am currently unhappy. Not at all. I am as blessed as can be! It's just that I know there is more...there is definitely more.

See, I wasn't even looking for a book this morning. I am right in the middle of a great book, actually, but this - this book was there for a reason, I just know it. So I picked it up, checked it out and have read 32 pages so far. I'm sold and I'm going for it.

I discovered that there is actually a blog, The Happiness Project. On this blog is a one minute video, The Days are Long but the Years are Short. I clicked on the link and began to watch it. I had no idea what it was going to be about, really. Cassidy sat there next to me eating her fruit cup, spilling juice all over the place. We had just finished painting and I had just finished getting frustrated with her as she had managed to get the red paint all over her hands and in her hair. The video finished and I looked at her. She smiled at me and I cried...

The Happiness Project. I have no idea exactly what I am going to do, but I am going to do something. And what better time to start it than right now.

Our Nonexistent Holiday Card

If I actually had gotten my act together this year



I would have sent out holiday cards.



And if I actually had sent out these nonexistent holiday cards,



they would have included pictures



like



these.



So, if you can, just imagine how nice it would have looked... : )

Happy Holidays, All. We love you very much.

xo

Life

I haven't known quite what to say, so I haven't said much of anything.

The truth is, I still don't know what to say, but I want to at least try. The blog is called, "Days with Dylan and Cassidy"...and I can't write much about that without telling how, over the past few months, our lives have changed.

I don't know if we are finishing a chapter here or if we have already begun a new one. I suppose because most of the time, I don't know whether I am coming or going. Our lives have changed, that much is true, and I suppose it doesn't really matter exactly where we are in this book, but more so that we are moving through, page by page, sometimes word by word and even letter by letter, doing the very best that we can.

My marriage has ended.

The kids and I have moved.

We do not live in our home anymore. We moved because I was asked to. We moved because our life, as it was, was not as I believe this one life should be. We tried and we didn't try. We worked but then we didn't. We talked. We cried. We were not happy.

The details. The details of how and why and but - they do not matter in telling because truthfully, I do not expect anyone to fully understand. Sometimes even I don't understand and I lived it. Maybe you feel empathetic, sympathetic. Maybe you feel disappointed. Maybe you are judging me. But you see, I have not ever walked in your shoes. Just as no one has walked in mine. I would not expect to understand your choices, your decisions, your behavior, your life, just as I don't expect anyone to assume they can understand mine.


With these changes come challenges, that's for sure. We are working through some difficulties, that is true. When your life is shaken this way, it takes some time to get straight. Once you feel your world stop spinning, you open your eyes. You realize you're standing on your head and you must adjust and stand up correctly. You dust yourself off and look around. Your kids are there looking at you. Waiting, wondering what has happened, wondering why. They are waiting for you. You need to somehow make it better, make it alright. Make it safe. You pick up your kids, hug them tightly, and tell them that you love them with all of your heart and that you know they are hurting. You tell them that this is hard, that it is hard for you, too, very hard, but that it will get better. It will.
You look around and see that while some things are familiar, the kitchen table, your favorite hooded sweatshirt, most things are very different. But that isn't really the stuff that matters. You know that you are lucky, really, because you are here, you are together, you are healthy, and there is love.

It is not the best ending to a chapter or not the best beginning...but it is part of the story.



As life continues on, in time, I will join along.

I'll continue doing the best that I can, knowing that some days my best may wind up being lousy.

I'll continue loving my kids with everything I can muster.

I'll continue advocating for the least of these.

Trying to make a difference.

Being a good person.

And being true to myself.

All in time...

*

Tonight, after a challenging day, I was pulling Dylan out of the tub when Cassidy said, "I love my baby brother.". I said, "Yes.". I placed Dylan down on his towel, wrapped him up tightly, and Cass leaned in close to his face and smiled. She turned up to me and said, "I'm just so glad I got this one."...

Me too...

Thank you.

::blows dust off of the ol' blog::


Thank you to those who have donated towards Sergey M's adoption fund! As his Christmas Warrior, I find that he is never far from my thoughts. Please, if you can, consider making a tax-free donation to Sergey M. through either Reece's Rainbow, the Chip-In on my sidebar, or through Peaceful Products. Every little bit will help bring him closer to finding a family of his own.

If you make a donation of $35 or more before December 15th, through Reece's Rainbow you will receive a Christmas ornament with a picture of sweet Sergey.

Please remember to leave your name in the comments so that I can choose a winner to receive a beautiful custom made journal from Peaceful Products.

***

Lots going on in these parts, but that...that is a post for another day.



Peace, love and hope this holiday season...