"What's the matter?", my husband asked me as he walked in the door from work. That's about all it took for the tears to start. "I don't know. Nothing. I'm tired.", was my answer. That may sound like a terrible answer, and I thought that it was, until I had a few minutes to process it. Although it may sound a bit...confused, it's actually a completely honest answer.
As I sat there on the couch feeding Dylan, Dave left to take Cassidy and the dogs for walk. It was the first time today that I had some quiet time...some time to process. What is the matter anyway? Why the heck am I sitting here crying? Am I upset because my almost 2 year old daughter brought me to the brink of frustration and beyond all day with her tantrums? Is it because Dylan's OT noticed that his eyes looked as if they may require being looked at by a pediatric eye doctor? Is it because I was reminded by her that he does have low tone and will need lots and lots of practice for him to reach his milestones in which they will most likely still be delayed? Or that because he has Ds and therefore also displays "low arousal"...meaning that he is "slower" in doing things? Or that she reminded me that he needs to repeat his hearing test as he failed it the first 2 times? That I still can't hold him without his head flying back because he can not control it yet? That he isn't smiling? Or that I am worried that if Cassidy does not have children of her own some day, I will not have grandchildren? That my son will get made fun of more than other kids will? That just because Dylan sleeps through the night, certainly doesn't mean that I do?!
Whew. I think that'll do. I think you can see where my thoughts were going. Yeah, so I had my mini-pity-party, ok? And it's been about 2 hours since then and I am ok now. I am back to reality. I love my son. I love my daughter (now that's she's fast asleep in bed!). I love my husband. And they love me. Life is good. Sometimes you just need a mini-pity-party now and then.