Thursday, January 15, 2009

Total randomness...don't mind me.

I think I have a case of the winter blahs. Or maybe it's the January grumpies. Whatever it is though, it's leaving me confused. I feel like lately I've been spending too much of my time walking around in a fog. Or maybe it's a cloud. Yeah, probably a cloud, because it's pretty much cloudy here every day in the winter. Now I guess the clouds have settled into my house. Or maybe just my brain. I can't see or think clearly. At all.

I find that I am not focusing in on the task at hand. Yes, it might appear that I'm making lunch, but really I'm going through the motions while thinking about which pre-school I should send Cassidy to next year. Or what to do the next time she escapes from her crib. Even as I'm typing this, I'm not even thinking of this. I'm thinking about the embarrassing scene (sorry Karen!) that Cassidy made today while we were at the play gym. I'm wondering if I have any new emails. I'm thinking that any minute now, Dylan is going to wake up and I will not finish writing this.

So with these winter blahs comes time to think. And I've been thinking quite a bit the past couple of days. Don't worry, I'm far too scatterbrained at the moment to get too deep, but I have been wondering about what my purpose is. I'm wondering what more I could and should be doing with my life. I am reminded of a letter that my dad wrote me when I graduated from college. He said, 'try to live your life rather than exist in it.'

Ah, please don't get me wrong. I love my life. Sometimes, though, it just feels...selfish, I guess? I think that there is more that I can do. I think I have more to give. More to give to those who may need it.

Before having kids, I dedicated my life to helping others. I worked as a program manager in a group home for teen girls. My teaching jobs were in troubled areas. I have always enjoyed helping kids, especially, who needed a little extra love.

Now I am home and not working. I am home with my own 2 kiddos who have tons and tons of love!! And that leaves me wondering about my purpose. I think I am starting to miss the feeling of helping. Of helping those who may need a little extra...something, anything.

Hm. Then again, maybe I've just been watching too much Oprah. Who knows.


Kimberly said...

You don't even realize how many people you are helping. With this blog you have helped many people who are going through the same thing you went through (and are going through), that are feeling lost. You are giving them hope and you are guiding them through this. I bet you have no idea just how many lives you have touched by documenting your life with Dylan. You say it like it is and help people see how much of a blessing it is having Dylan in our lives. People that are confused and scared about having a baby with Ds can look up to you and see that it isn't something to run and hide from it is something to embrace.
I know that you have totally changed my way of thinking and viewing life, from this blog and also the way you have accepted Dylan and loved him without thinking twice. I am not saying I am surprised but just in awe of how great my sister is.
Just know, you are changing lives and helping people everyday, even if it doesn't feel like it. You have inspired many people Laur, especially me.
Love you!

Cathy said...

Hi Laurie...Just wanted to let you know that you ARE helping people. Any time I've come to you with a new mom facing OHS for her little one, you've jumped right in and offered your help. I am sure your blog has helped numerous people whom you may never know about. Don't ever sell yourself are an amazing woman

Cathy said...

Well..Kimberly beat me again :) I think you get our point!!!!!!!!

Kleidy said...

I agree with Kimberly and Cathy. I feel you are a wonderful human being. First of all you are making a HUGE difference in the lives of your own children, they will grow and become amazing people because of your LOVE. I can also tell you that by sharing your INSPIRING journey with others you are offering the greatest SUPPORT. Laurie, the best help is the one that comes from an open heart, filled with such positives vibes. I know people can feel your love and that is the most beautiful gift you can give to others. All the Best ~

The Lehnick Family said...

I so agree with all the are helping everyone who reads your are helping your little ones be amazing little people...You know I didn't realize now many people read my blog until one day at church, I had so many come up to me that I didn't even know wondering why I hadn't posted in awhile? I thought to myself...why are so many people reading about my life? I thought I had just started a blog for my extended family out of I see that DS has touched so many peoples lives and your blog will and IS touching so many people as well. So, find that separation in the clouds and realize you are a wonderful person and have an amazing purpose in life!

Lis said...

You help your kids every day. Especially Dylan. And you help people who read your blog understand about DS. You HELP. You do.

Tricia said...

I know that feeling. The something more I can be doing feeling. We have to remember we do a lot for our families and without a healthy & happy home life we cannot reach out to others. It's good to be aware of what you want to do, but don't underestimate what you are doing right now!

Derek, Kenzee and Gage! said...

First of all, I LOVE the way you blog. I feel like I am just sitting next to you while you talk with all your expressions and everything right there!! (Yes, even though I haven't ever even talked to you vocally!) Everyone else has already hit it right on the nose. Look at your sweet kids. Look how healthy and happy Dylan is after going through major heart surgery. YOU are the one who got him to this point. And through helping him, you have also helped so many others as well.

Derek, Kenzee and Gage! said...

INCLUDING ME!! Sorry, I accidently posted without finishing. My parents were so impressed with the amount of strength I had during Gage's surgery because of my friends I have met online. YOU were a major part of that. Thank you. I hope you realize how much you have done.

Amy said...

You are helping those who need it most, your children. They are going to grow into such wonderful adults because of your guidance.