Thursday, June 4, 2009

A post that was suppose to be about reflux meds...

...but as I continued to type, has turned into something different.

So...we had yet another appointment with Dylan's GI Specialist this morning. I'm not sure if you remember, but beginning around 5 months of age, we noticed that Dylan appeared to be struggling quite a bit with reflux. He was originally prescribed Zantac, but besides the fact that it tasted horribly, it also wasn't working very well. Sooo, a couple of months ago, we switched to Prevacid. Along with that costing us $100 a month, it also wasn't working very well. Today we were prescribed Axid. Third time's a charm? We shall see.

Now, I also tried to talk with the Doctor about the possibility of something more serious going on. See, my friend, Angela has mentioned to me that Dylan's symptoms (the extreme arching!) remind her so much of her son Benjamin's. After an X-ray was taken, it was found that Benjamin had duodenal atresia and had to have surgery to repair it. And since the surgery, he has been doing very well.

I was interested in hearing the doctor's thoughts on that, however, our conversation was very short lived as Cassidy decided that she was no longer interested in this doctor's appointment. At all. In fact, she wanted out NOW! She proceeded to open the office door, run down the hallway, open another door, run into the waiting room all while screaming and crying, "I don't want to do this! I want to go HOME! Now please Mommy! HOME!". Um. Seriously? I don't know if it's that this is naturally a difficult age (2.5) or if it's that she is particularly ah, how should I say this, "highly spirited" or "willful" if you will? But whatever it is, it's challenging to say the least.

I was frustrated this morning, as I feel I should have been. I was discouraged. You know what else I was? I was completely mortified. I was that Mom. The one who very obviously could not control her child.

As we were driving home, I peeked in the rear view mirror and looked at Cass. I thought my heart was going to break into a million pieces...gosh, I couldn't help but feel quite badly for her, actually. So much of her life revolves around Dylan. Dylan and his many many appointments. Dylan and his Early Intervention people. I feel guilty. I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job with her. I can't be, otherwise she wouldn't be acting this way. I want to do better, I do. But yet I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And that...that bums me out.

It's that balance. The balance between two children. The balance between fun and therapy. The balance between friend and Mother. I feel like I am always trying to find that balance.

19 comments:

Kimberly said...

Well, we were just taking about this and I don't want to repeat myself. But it is a hard age and also I am sure it is hard for Cass to be bored at Dr.s appts and seeing D get so much attention. I know that you try and do special days with just Cass and you and I think that is important for her to know she is just as special as Dylan. I am sure it is hard for her to understand at her age, why he has so many people coming over to see him and so many appts just for him, but she will understand eventually.
You have been through more than most in a year, and I am so proud at how well you have handeled everything. You are a great Mom and this is just a tough time.
Also it will take a while to find a med that works for D, but again you will find one. Keep you head up, you are doing great, and never doubt yourself. I hope to be as good a Mom to my baby as you are to yours!

Wendy P said...

Laurie,
I can only speak from my experience, as a mother of two kids, one with Ds and one without. But I suspect that balance is what ALL mothers deal with. Work vs Home, sibling vs. sibling, partner vs children, personal needs vs family needs, and so on.

We try to do it all and be everything to everyone and we just can't be. I think you're a wonderful mother! 2.5 is a difficult age, an age of testing boundaries, and all kids are ultimately concerned with their own needs first. I'm sure you're not cheating your sweet girl in any way.

My kids are 21 months apart and that first year of Kira's life was often really hard. Learning how to mother 2 kids was such a different path from mothering 1. Just remember that Cassidy is her own person. Your job is to give her the tools she needs to be independent and sometimes she's going to flex that independence at moments not of your choosing. We've all been there and we'll all be there again!

Hang in there. You're doing a wonderful job! Just look at your kids!

Karly said...

I can't say anything better than the great commenters before me. I hate the balancing act and I am sure I will encounter the same backlash when Lucas is older and I feel some regret that, in general, the second child doesn't get all that intense attention that the first child got...and even more in our case so given that Kailey is the one with Ds.

{hugs}

Angela said...

GIANT HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry. Andrew was exactly 2.5 when Benjamin had his OHS, so that was kinda rough for us. Especially b/c leading up to the surgery we had to go around to all kinds of doctors. I tried as much as possible to leave him with someone when I went. But I am very fortunate to have lots of family here, and sometimes even then I had to bring him.

I truly do hope the Axid works!!

Rebecca said...

I've been "that" mom a lot lately. No advice, just **hugs**.

Megan said...

{{hugs}} I think, no matter what, we moms question if we're doing all we can for each of our kids. Unfortunately, we just can't always do it. My two are 27 mos apart. It's hard. Her behavior, imo, doesn't equate to your not providing enough to her....it is inexplicable what goes on in the mind of a 2.5 year old. You're doing a great job.

Lisa said...

(((Laurie))) hugs, mama. 2.5 IS a difficult age . . . and I hate to say it, but watch out for 3 - it gets worse before it gets better. Ahh, the mommy guilt - I have it too. It's easy for me to sit here and say very objectively to you, though, that you should try and cut yourself some slack.

About duodenal atresia . . . Finn was born with that, and that's what he had surgery for the day after he was born. It's a complete disconnect in a section of intestine, so food cannot pass through, nothing can. That's my understanding. Unless there are varying degrees of it???

Katie said...

I am certainly not dealing with all of the difficult balancing you have Laurie, but the balancing is soooo challenging. Big hugs. You are doing what you have to do, and you are doing wonderfully. Just keep on keeping on!

Ann said...

I once reached out to a mom that had twins. Her son had Ds and her daughter didn't, which is the same for us. The only difference was her twins were now adults so she had this great perspective. I asked her about the guilt I was feeling about the extra time, attention, and appointments that came along with the diagnosis. I was wondering if her daughter ever expressed resentment. She hadn't and she gave me some great advice, "Don't keep score." There may be a time when our daughters require extra time and attention. She gave the example of when they get married. Anyway, that advice has stuck with me and has tempered the guilt. You're a great Mom and we've all been "that Mom".

Tim and Kelli said...

Everyone pretty much said it best. One thing we do if at all possible Brooke doesn't go to appointments with us. We are so busy with her that we don't hear what the Dr. is saying and walk out forgetting to ask questions that we have been thinking about. She usually stays home with one of us or goes to Grandma's house. She likes the one on one time and we get more out of the time at the Dr. office without any added stress. Lindsey always brings a sucker home for Brooke which she loves.

Tausha said...

Wow, I love all the advice, especially Ann's. I struggle as a step-mom raising "Full" time two of my husbands kids who are 14 and 15. Their Mom left so they already feel abandoned by a Mother figure and then me doing so much for Sam and he being my first child has really been a struggle to not have them feel like I favor Sam over them, and again feel abononed by another Mother figure. Then for the Mom who left to say I am a bad Mother and just don't have time for the oldest kids and they now need to come live with her, now that we are pressuring her for child support. Oh, it goes on and on but I try really hard to make sure I make time for all three of them and not make them feel left out. It's a struggle so I really appreciate Ann's comment on don't keep score and one child may need you more at a different stage in life.

DownTownDan said...

Ozzie has also had lots of problems with reflux. And we did Zantac, and then we did the Prevacid for months and months. Paying for it is not fun. We started weaning him off of it, and he's doing pretty good now.

About Cass, and your guilt as a mother. Well, life isn't fair. Cass will grow up dealing with this, just as you will, just as your husband will. It's not fair, but it's life, and I bet she won't be mad about it. Not one bit.

Amanda said...

I think we're all "that mom" - especially with a toddler - at one point or another! I only have one child, and I give major kudos to anyone balancing two or more. Not sure I could do it - you're doing a great job!

Lis said...

I am "that" mom a lot with T.

So will Dylan get an Xray?

Jackie said...

No experience talking here as Isaac is the same age as Dylan and he's my first, but I think we all struggle for balance, and I'm pretty sure 2.5 yr has it's rough days. From what I've read so far you seem like a great mom and doing a great job. Oh, and I think we've been *that* mom at least once in our lives. Most recently I was *that* mom on an airplane...always fun ;)

Ria said...

hi Laurie! Thanks for visiting my blog. I, unfortunately, have no advice for you as Matthew is my first and only. Just **big hugs** From what I have read on your blog so far though, you are doing the best you can. It's always hard to find that balance... in anything we do. Hang in there!

Lisa said...

Bridget is in the two-and-a-half-year-old phase (she has Ds) and it is no different than with all of our other kids...I am "that" mom almost every day at this point with her, and I have been there so many times before that I just laugh out loud when things get crazy (of course, I am cursing under my breath...but I know to expect it). Kids this age are a pretty irrational and unpredictable...some days are good and others are unbearable. Each day/hour is a surprise!

Don't feel guilty about having things to do with Dylan (therapy, appointments, whatever). Cassidy doesn't know any different...she's so little still, and there isn't any other world for her. Living with Dylan is not a hardship for her. No kid wants to be at the doctor, or the grocery, or waiting for mom to finish a phone conversation...

Having siblings takes some time away from every child, whether one has a diagnosis or not. You are doing your best...and it IS good enough. Don't beat yourself up about it!

Amy said...

:hugs: You are a wonderful mother and you should never doubt that. There is always time issues no matter your family dynamic and I'm sure Cass is just trying to find her spot. It's a normal thing for them to do but I'm sorry it adds more stress to you.

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