The Swallow Study...

...wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Prior to this appointment, our Early Intervention Service Coordinator had told me what to expect, therefore I had envisioned Dylan sitting up in a high chair, happy as can be, being offered various foods and drinks all the while being x-rayed (is that even a word?) to see whether or not he was aspirating. What I did not expect, was the x-ray machine to basically pin him down on his back while a nurse impatiently instructed me to "hold his arms down tightly" to keep them from flailing about all while she squirts barium down his throat from a bottle. And then again, same deal, with water. "But he's going to choke on that! This is why we're here...because he chokes on thin liq...". No matter. They had to do it anyway. Sheesh. In the midst of it all, I couldn't help but wonder, 'Why why why am I doing this to him?' Ugh. Poor ol' D.

As it turns out, the results from the study came back just fine. It does not appear that he is aspirating, which is great news. I was able to speak with the speech/language pathologist for a bit after the test and she agreed that most likely Dylan's difficulties with feeding and swallowing are developmental. That sealed the deal for me - no scopes. I canceled the procedure as I simply can't justify it at this time. It just does not seem worth the risk.

What I do need to do, is continue being patient with Dylan and his feedings. I admit that I did have a moment last night where I felt quite sad and defeated with the whole sippy cup debacle. I was sitting across from Dylan and watched him, as I do every single time I offer him the sippy, bite it and then throw it on the floor. You see, I think part of the urgency I feel at this point, is that I am growing tired of nursing. And not only that, but because he thinks the sippy cup is something to bite on, he has transferred that habit to biting me as well.

Ah well.

Onward we go. Doing the best that we can do. Day by day.