I remember very clearly, at the Down syndrome Conference back in March, one of the speakers - who is the manager of the Down syndrome Program at Children's Hospital - talked about how the majority of the phone calls she receives from discouraged and distraught mothers of kids with Down syndrome, is when their children are in the 14-18 month age range. For that is the time, she said, when their delays become more obvious and when the reality begins to set in.
Lately I have been feeling it. Discouraged. Overwhelmed. Thoroughly confused. Unfocused. And pressured. Ah the pressure. Darned if I know where that's coming from (although my guess would be, ME!), or why it's constantly nagging at me. But lately I've been feeling this urgency for Dylan to learn things. He is over 14 months now. C'mon! Why does he still spit up 100 times a day? Why won't he eat real food? Or drink? Or crawl? Or talk? Yes, yes, I know that "he will learn things on his own time". I know that he will, I do. And most of the time I am fine with that, really. It's just that every now and then it's...hard. Everything is just very very freaking hard. It's overwhelming, it's scary, it's discouraging and it's just. plain. hard.
And you know what? I think the reason why I have been feeling like this, is that I've begun, little by little, to lose my focus. To lose my patience. I've started to lose sight of Dylan. Lose sight of the big picture. The worry and fear about milestones and time frames has begun to consume me and I've been left with very little energy for much else...
It is times like these, that I need to stop. Just stop. I need to sit back, breathe, and I need to regroup. I need to look at this boy and refocus on what really, truly matters in this life, because he sure as heck isn't wasting his time being consumed by worry.
I need to remind myself to love first. Be happy. And stay in the moment.