Saturday, September 12, 2009

Ramblings

So, I've been feeling, ahh, I don't know if I can find the perfect words to describe it, but I suppose bummed out will suffice, about my last post. While I do believe that it's perfectly fine to feel down and out every now and then, I think my post was too extreme. I guess that will teach me to spill my thoughts following a less than stellar physical therapy appointment in which new concerns were revealed regarding Dylan's "speech"...or the lack thereof. Eh, that in addition to more oral motor "wake up" suggestions and it felt like just one more thing on top of an already large pile of things, you know? And then, while typing, I glanced up at Dylan only to see him spitting-up. Large amounts of spit up. Aaaagain. And so it went - my depressing post began.

~

I was lying in bed last night trying to fall asleep, and all of a sudden I had this revelation. See, I have spent the past few weeks trying to write, (and by "write" I mean "think about") a speech for this Hall of Fame banquet that is fast approaching. I have been inducted into my college's HOF for swimming. Actually, I was inducted at this time last year, however I declined because Dylan's heart surgery was just weeks away and I was unable to wrap my head around anything else at the time. Period.

A few months ago I received some paperwork in the mail and have recently begun to look it over. There is a biography containing specifics about my college swimming carreer. I was asked to review it and email the committee with any inaccuracies. This biography includes fastest times that I achieved, places that I finished in big races and records that I set. I laughed a little bit the first time I read this bio thinking, "Ha! How in the world am I suppose to remember this stuff?!".

Last night it occurred to me why I am struggling with my speech. And why I can't remember the stuff that is suppose to be most important - the best times, places, records. The very stuff that got me into the Hall of Fame isn't the stuff that matters. It's not the stuff that I remember. Or cherish.

As I thought about this, I figured eh, my life certainly has changed since then. It was all about the competition and the races back then. I thought that that stuff must have mattered most to me then and that, because of Dylan, I am just now learning otherwise. That life is not a race. It's not a competition. But you know what? Without realizing it, I must have known this all along. If the most important things to me were the races and the times, then surely I would remember more about that stuff now, right? I mean, I look at that biography and feel quite certain that if they had been talking about a teammate of mine by mistake, I wouldn't know it.

You know what I do remember, though? I remember the friends that I made. The long bus rides we took to various colleges. How my teammates and I ate cinnamon bagels before our Saturday meets. I remember how my coach played the banjo as we grumpily filed in for our 6 a.m practices. I remember our cheers, our big green jackets, Florida training trips, sour patch kids, the weight room.

Isn't that awesome, to be able to remember that kind of stuff? Aren't those the kind of memories you want to cherish? For isn't that what life is about?

So, as I lied in bed last night I smiled. I thought, "Yes! I got it!!". Years from now I will probably not remember exactly when Dylan learned to crawl or walk or talk. I won't remember how old he was when he stopped spitting up (OK, maybe I will, because seriously, that one is realllllly getting old!). I will probably hesitate and have to think hard if someone were to ask me when Dylan stopped eating baby food.

But you know what I will remember? Most definitely, I will remember his smile and his laugh. How he loved to clap and wave. How his mouth moved when he got really tired and how his eyes were when he looked up at me and touched my face.

And thank goodness for that. Because really, isn't that the stuff that matters most?


22 comments:

Anonymous said...

yes Laurie,those ARE the things that matter most. I think of the funny things I remember about you guys(tape recorder,strawberry shortcake dolls,pound puppy underwear)Have no clue why I remember such weird things,but they are the ones that make me smile. love Mom

Linda said...

I absolutely agree. Sometimes I get bogged down with everything that Lila can't do, all the while missing out on the awesome things she's doing. Even if it's just making me laugh so hard that my sides hurt. Hugs!

Dan said...

This is truly a beautiful post.

Adrienne said...

So true Laurie! That's why I love Miley Cyrus' song "The Climb"- (I'm not a big fan of hers and I know that may sound corney but if you haven't heard that song you should listen to it.) It really makes me think about what the future may be like with Bennett. I can totally relate to what you're saying about your times and the races you won and that some how those aren't the times you remember.

Hector and Jennifer Varanini Sanchez said...

Laurie-this is just BEAUTIFUL!!! The way you've figured this out is what make life so amazing. I think you should talk about this at your acceptance speech. This IS what life is about- the memories of the simple things that make us smile and laugh. I love this post!!!

Tim and Kelli said...

What a great post and great outlook! I know we all have bad days and some seem worse than others when everything seems bad and frustrating. I am so with you on that post some days and then she does something so small that makes up for it all. The spit up-oh I would really like to be done with that.
Congrats and good luck with the speech!

heather said...

Love this! And all that you say is true...I don't remember when Morgan stopped eating baby food, decided to actually chew her food, stopped throwing her cup off the table, stopped spitting up (that was a serious problem for us and not med made a difference), switched from signing to words. It all blends into the memory of her toddlerhood. But I do remember the giggles, smiles and celebrations.

Good luck with your speech and congrats on the HOF!

Sasha said...

This is a great post. I love how you were thinking about this and came to realize this on your own. Don't you love these types of moments. You could talk about this in your speech. I think it would be great. Even though sometimes you post about your frustrations, I still see you as an inspiration. Ps. I listed you as one of the nominees for the Lemons to Lemonade award on my blog yesterday. [[[hugs]]]

Kimberly said...

Well I think you just wrote your speech!
It is ok to get discouraged L, that is what your blog is for.
I remember Horsssse storiessss, and a b, amelia bedelia :) Thanks to you. Love you

Cate said...

That is a great analogy.

And I don't think your previous post was too down. It's nice to know other people go through the same ups-and-downs.

Melis said...

Hey Laur - I know I've never made my comments to your posts on this blog, but this one I thought I should. This post made me smile from start to finish...Firstly, Congrats to you and the HOF...so awesome. Secondly, congrats to you on hitting things right on the head with whats important and those that are a little...less important. I think a special perk as a mom is being able to remember those special moments with your child and how sometimes those "little" things become favorite memories.

I also wanted all your fans on here to know what an amazing swimmer you are! I know its a college award and therefore you were talking about all your memories there, but as a friend of yours from...well, a LONG time ago, I can remember so many other things from BSC and high school. I've never seen a better breaststroker or IM'er! You had tons of records from back then too but your right, while all those things were nice, I think I remember all the memories we made as teammates and friends first....

It was your Uncle and your Dad, the best coaches I have ever had, that taught me that while the Championships and individual awards are nice, its the lessons learned and friendships made along the way, that create who we are today.

love you Laur and best of luck with the speech! You deserve it!

Anonymous said...

I look forward each day for your letters.I am speechless on this one.You are an exceptional Mom.
God Bless

Angela said...

Wow.

So true and now I'm crying.

:)

sara p said...

i loved this post. its all so true. what a wonderful way to put those thoughts into words.

sara p said...

i loved this post. its all so true. what a wonderful way to put those thoughts into words.

Derek, Kenzee and Gage said...

Oh, that grin! Yep, those are exactly the things that matter, no doubt!

Katie said...

BEAUTIFUL! I don't think you will have ANY trouble writing that speech. You speak from the heart so well.

Lisa said...

Beautiful, Laurie.

The Lehnick Family said...

You've completely got this Laurie! You pegged it!! What a beautiful post! I too think you should include all of this in your speech! It is funny how everybody gets caught up in so much in the world...when you've just gotta slow down and cherish the moments you are having right now!

OK, I am soooo with you on the spit up though...Brayden spits up quite a bit...and I will REMEMBER too when that all ends...lol...

Mara said...

How true : )

Sharon said...

Congrats on the HOF and on being mom to one of the cutest little guys I know. I agree that the laughs, smiles, and seemingly ordinary moments are what you will remember and what matter most.

Karly said...

What a beautiful post, Laurie. It's always good to have such a nice reminder to bring the focus back to what's important.