Steps

Shortly after I published that post about "Turning a Corner", we began, little by little, backtracking. And before I knew it, we were exactly where we were before - that old street - the one we were on before we had supposedly turned that corner.

Dylan is back to dropping food. He doesn't eat it anymore or seem remotely interested in anything that we offer him. He won't even allow me to place the food into his mouth. He makes a bad face, tunrs away, swats...

And as I was thinking of this last night, one word popped into my head:

Steps.

With Dylan, we are always taking steps. Every now and then, we will take a huge one, but mostly we take small ones. Each day, small steps of progression. But, as is the case now, there is the occasional backward step. Just when I think he's got it, back, back we go.

It's confusing and it's frustrating.

But, that's how it is going to be with feeding, I think. That's how it's always been with feeding and it's important that I begin to accept that. And I think I am getting there, I really do. I do not get nearly as frustrated as I used to. Because I know that he will get it, regardless of the types of steps it takes to get there. I mean, he has gotten it...now we just need to learn how to keep it.


I remember a couple of months ago, I had randomly mentioned to Dylan's OT that he used to say "mama" all of the time, and then suddenly stopped. He preferred to say "dada" instead. It then occured to me then that he also used to sign 'milk', but had stopped that as well. After I told her this, she looked at me with a very serious expression - one that I had recognized all too well, one that we'd experienced many times throughout Dylan's first year. My stomach dropped to the floor. She said, "We take that kind of thing very seriously. Regression. It's not good, Laurie.". My faced burned with...fear? Anger?

So wouldn't you know that right after she left, I popped open my laptop and googled "regression" and "Down syndrome"... And, well, you know that's never a good thing...

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's more, maybe it's not - this "regression". I prefer to think that it's all just about steps, though. Small, medium, big, tiny and backwards.

Come to think of it, maybe these so called backwards steps are more like practice steps. Maybe they don't have to come in sizes or go in particular directions. Maybe it's just that this particular skill, feeding, isn't fully mastered and thus appears to come and go...and with these practice steps will eventually come true success...

For right now, though, it's jarred turkey and rice. Oh, lordy...