Friday, April 1, 2011

A big day

for the Big Guy.

**I wrote this post last night, but couldn't get it to publish for some reason...

Today was Dylan's first day attending a child-only (aka: no mama) playgroup at his Early Intervention Center. A couple of months ago, his educator encouraged me to sign him up for a group with the hope of preparing him for preschool this summer. I dragged my feet for a few weeks and then finally signed him up and received a call that he would be starting on the 31st.

His class meets one morning a week for 2 1/5 hours. It is an integrated class - some kids are from the EI Program, some are not, and they are all around age two.

We got ready this morning - backpack and all.

When I dropped Dylan off in his classroom and began to say goodbye, I lingered probably longer than I needed to. I crouched down and said, "Bye Dyl". I think he thought that he and I were both leaving together because he looked up at his teacher and said, "Bye!".

When I first brought him into the room, his teacher mentioned to me that she is currently in graduate school studying American Sign Language, so she is very familiar with sign. It really helped knowing that because even though Dylan has about 20 words now, he does still communicate primarily through sign.

So, after I closed the door to his classroom behind me, couldn't help but peek through the window, just for a second. Dylan was fine. I took a deep breath and left.

When Cassidy and I went to pick him up, the kids were out on the playground. Dylan did not see us and we watched the class for a little while. I was so happy to see that he was happy! He was in school, all by himself, and he was doing well! My Little One, not so little anymore.

I felt rediculously proud.

But yet, in the very next moment I also felt a quick, unexpected pang of hurt as I watched all of his classmates running around the playground and climbing on small structures. All while Dylan sat. Wanting. Watching. Occasionally he would scoot to catch up, but...

My heart ached a little bit.

It ached not for me but for him. I want everything for him. Everything. Including feeling like a part of his class, like his peers. That includes walking.

I don't want his heart to hurt. And as I watched him, I wondered how he felt as he watched the other kids.


As we headed to the car, I overheard the receptionist ask a man to please move his car as he had parked it in the fire lane. He was obviously not happy about it as he walked outside and, as his young son grasped his daddy's hand, yelled to the person inside the car, "Hey! You need to move our car! These f#!^ing re*@%ds have no parking spaces here!".


We went home and later sat on the couch together awaiting a snow storm. With Dylan and Cassidy on each side of me, we snuggled under our fuzzy blanket and read books together.

My conflicted emotions from the morning began to melt into just one, and life began to feel right again.

I am learning. The bumps along the way are just that - bumps. They are fleeting. At the time they hurt like heck, but you do the best that you can at the time and realize that they do pass.

This road, while it is filled with twists and turns and even the occasional bump, it's life.

It's our journey and I go to bed every night thanking my lucky stars that I am on it...


Kelly said...

Oh Laurie, I am so happy for Dylan & YOU!!! That step is huge AND it is hard!!! I felt this way too, when I started Landon full time at daycare/preschool this past September, I remember wondering how he felt watching his classmates playing & climbing rather quickly.....and then......I KNEW EXACTLY HOW HE WAS FEELING.....that he wanted to do it too!!! And a few months later is when he started WALKING!!! I truly believe that our kiddos need that little nudge from their peers.....Dylan is going to do GREAT....I just know it!!

And you nailed it.....these bumps in the road ARE life and life happens......just remember, you can always drive over them quickly!!! We are so lucky & blessed to be on this journey:)

ch said...

Congratulations on your big day, Dylan! LC got a new backpack in the mail today and will wear it for the first time on Thursday! I think I have more butterflies than she does!!! You look like you're ready to take on the world, SuperDyl!!! Way to go!!!

Sasha said...

Oh how good it is to hear that it went well. I can't imagine. I have enough of a hard time with getting Blyss into JK and that was so hard. Glad to hear that Dylan loved it.

j*e*n said...

Dylan looks so great with his book bag! So excited for him to start school. :)

Anonymous said...

I saw your post over on BloHer and came to check out your blog. Dylan is so cute in his backpack!

Anonymous said...

The pictures of him in that big backpack are adorable!