Sometimes, when difficult things are happening, I do not know what the reasoning behind it is. I do not know why it is happening but yet I do believe that there is a reason.
I remember seven months ago when I was looking for a place to live, I had found a house that I absolutely loved. Turned out that I could not qualify to buy a place at that time and so I had to rent instead. My sister was driving around condo searching with me and I asked her if she believed that things happened for a reason. She said that she did and I said I thought I did too, but that if this is the case, why couldn't I buy this amazingly perfect and adorable house? Why? What could possibly be the reason?
Turns out that there was a reason. That was not our house. This condo is our house and I now believe that it all worked out the way it was meant to.
Things are happening right now that are out of my control. I do not know why they are happening and it's been difficult, tiring and frustrating. Ever since I accepted the permanent substitute teaching job, things have not panned out the way that I had envisioned them. It's not the job - the job is wonderful and has even reignited that spark that I once had for teaching. I want to be back in the classroom. I want that! It's a part of me, I feel it, and prior to this job I was fearful that I had lost that desire.
The problem is...at this point, I have missed more days than I have been there. I accepted this job trying to help and actually have caused more trouble. Part of my hope, too, was to accept this job as a starting point. As a way to get my foot back in the door and perhaps a full time teaching job opportunity may arise for next year. Perhaps they would think of me for that job.
I do not see how this can be so now. How could it be?
Since I have started working, in one month Cassidy and Dylan have had the stomach flu, conjunctivitis, double ear infections, colds, strep throat, fevers, rashes, roseola...I know there is more but I can't even remember it all anymore.
Each time one of my children is not feeling well while at school, the nurse calls me and I have to leave to pick them up at school. Each time a child is not feeling well in the morning, I have to call for a sub (even though I am the sub!). Each time a child gets a fever, they need to be fever-free for 24 hours before returning to school. Same goes for conjunctivitis. And strep. And roseola.
Why is this happening? I mean besides the fact that this is what happens at daycare. I get that. I mean what is the big reason? Is there a big reason? I have to believe that there is because otherwise it's too hard. I have to think that there is a reason why this has not worked out the way that I had wished...that perhaps I will look back on this time and understand that there was a plan after all.
We had Dylan's very first IEP meeting this week. I will share all of the details of that once I am able to think more clearly....: )