Mediocrity

Today, as I sometimes do, I felt like a mediocre mama.

The weather was dreadful and has been for a while now, it seems. Dark. Wet. Rainy all day. We have been completely off our usual schedule lately with Dylan's appointment last week, Thanksgiving, family gatherings.

I felt tired today, but I don't think I am. At least I don't think I should be.

Oh, I attempted an effort today, but quite honestly, it was pretty weak. Come to think of it, did I even take my slippers off? Briefly I'd bet - yes, when I brought Cassidy to get her much needed hair cut.

It's not that our house is dirty necessarily, but then again, it certainly isn't clean, either. I mopped the floors and vacuumed the rugs. The coffee table is relatively shiny. I paid a couple of bills.

I played Pretty Pretty Princess (jealous Piecy?), Memory, "Fishy Game", and read piles of books to both Cassidy and Dylan. We had an EI appointment. We listened to the "Cass cds" and danced around the house. We played tea party and dress up (Cass did the dressing up naturally!).

But.

Cass did spend a good chunk of time with her paci in her mouth watching her new Max ansd Ruby dvds. Dylan napped alot.

Toys were strewn about everywhere and the dog hair...ugh...each a losing battle, I think. Our bathroom trash barrels remained full all day. I thought about emptying them, but I didn't. There is dirty laundry in the washing machine and clutter in the kitchen. If you look closely (or maybe not so closely), you will see that it is dusty upstairs. Garland is wrapped around our porch columns while our rotting Halloween pumpkins sit below. Holiday lights are in clumps on the kitchen floor, waiting to be hung up. Our unmatching (that's not a word, is it?) Christmas stockings are stuffed in a grocery bag on our dining room table.

Come to think of it, I have one plant in my house. One. And it's barely alive. I do not know how to "do" Cassidy's hair. I, along with my kids, spend the majority of our time in sweatpants. And fleece. I don't cook (as I was reminded by Cassidy tonight) nor do I bake.

I am a stay at home mom, but I'm not so certain that I'm any good at it.

One thing I can say with absolute certainty, though, is that I love my kids. Ah, do I love them!

I love how today Cassidy turned to me, after getting hit by our dog's tail, and said, "Bailey just wagged me". How she must have asked me no fewer than 300,000 questions today about everything from, "Why do we have 2 noses?" (I explained that it's actually one nose but 2 nostrils) to "Why did Dylan do a big poopoo in the bath last night?" (Wasn't too sure how to answer that one, honestly). I love how she told me repeatedly that she loves me. Especially when she knew that I was losing my patience.

I love how today Dylan learned yet another sign - "bath". I also discovered that apparently he has been secretly growing another tooth (a molar?!). I realized this when he grabbed my finger and shoved it in his mouth and proceeded to crunch down. (Another sharp little bugger!) I love how today he rolled around our living room floor, then army crawled up to his little karaoke toy and smacked the button down starting the music so that he could "dance" on his belly.

Mediocrity. It's my issue, then, as I don't suspect my kids notice. Don't think they care, either.

But, I know. And because of that, I want to do better. I think that I can do better...