Today.

Happy Birthday, Little One.

You are

without question,

one of my most favorite people.

Thank you, Dylan, for all that you are. Because of you, my life is better in every single possible way.

I hope that you enjoyed your special day today.
I love you so very much.

Three.

It is very difficult to remember that there was a time in my life

before Dylan.

There is something so special about him, so magical and amazing, that words can not do justice. To meet him...is to understand.

  He is about to turn 3 years old.

And I could not be more proud.
Or more in love.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy.

Patience

Very frequently, I find that I have to remind myself about patience. 

I used to think that I was a relatively patient person, but now I am not so sure.  Maybe it's life circumstances that are shortening my string...maybe it's that I am allowing stuff to get in the way of what is truly most important.

It's just that sometimes I feel like we should have it all together all of the time.  That everything should have fallen into place by now.  That it should be easier, maybe...

But we don't and honestly, we can't.  And it hasn't.  And it's not easier. 

It is life.

And it's hard sometimes. 

When I start to feel badly and the guilt creeps in, I remind myself that in life we must take steps.

I remember that these steps may not always be in a noticeably forward motion.  That there may be times when we take backward steps.  That there may be times when we take baby steps.   

But we're up and we're moving.  And that is good. 

 

Things will fall into place.  They probably are falling into place as I type this - I just can't quite see it yet.  In my heart I believe that.  In the meantime, I need to remember to be patient with it.  Be patient with the steps; with the process.  Be patient with my kids.  With myself, too.

Be patient with life. 

Because really, it is so, so good! 

Rescued!

Yes!!  When I clicked on the "Rescued" page on Reece's Rainbow the other day, words can not describe how thrilled I was to see that sweet Little Sergey has been found!  Click here to read all about who his new family will be.

His new mama has a blog called Saving Sergey.  Check it out so that you may follow along on her journey as she rescues Sergey M. from an orphanage in Eastern Europe and gives him the family that he so completely deserves.

Now that Sergey has a family, I have decided to become a Reece's Rainbow Warrior for Little Mr. Tristan.  Please click here to read all about this amazing boy, waiting for his mama to come for him. 

Tristan's adoption fund is currently at $0.  Can you help add to his fund?  Every little bit helps his chances of finding his mama, too.  Click here to donate.

Let's help Tristan.  He deserves his chance at a life that is worth living. 

Thank you! 

Dylan's IEP

Dylan...

Sweet Boy...

A couple of weeks ago, we had Dylan's very first IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting.  Being a teacher, I have attended these meetings before, but this one was very different.  This time I was on the other side.  I was the mama.

Prior to the meeting, I had received Dylan's evaluations and had time to review them.  There was an eval for Physical Therapy, one for Speech Therapy and one for Occupational Therapy.  I was not actually present for these assessments, as they were completed while Dylan was at daycare but reading through them I felt they were fair. 

I was not surprised to read that his biggest challenges fell under Physical Therapy.  This has been the case ever since he was an itty bitty floppy little one.  It is no secret that he has low tone and has to work extra hard for things that may come more easily to others.  The key is getting him to want to work harder; getting him to want to walk. We'll get there...  We're looking into possibly getting him a walker so that while at school, he can be upright with his friends.  (Does anyone have any thoughts/ideas on walkers?)

His greatest strengths are definitely speech related.  Lately he has been blowing me away with his speech!  At this point, I would guess that he has at least 50 words and over 100 signs.  He is at the stage now where he can (and will!) repeat every single thing that is said.  It's the best!  And signing?  Forget it.  He has surpassed me at this point.   

Dylan will begin Integrated Preschool in the fall.  His teacher will be Cassidy's current teacher who is absolutely wonderful.  She, along with her team, actually requested that Dylan be in their class, so I have all of the confidence in the world that he will be well taken care of.  Dylan will receive some pull out services, however will remain largely integrated in the classroom for the majority of the school day (2 1/2 hours).   He will also receive services within the classroom setting as well.

It's funny.  I thought that I would be nervous about beginning this process, but found the opposite to be true.  Prior to the meeting I had a totally calm and peaceful feeling.  It continued throughout the meeting as well.  I fully believed that everyone was there (12 people total) with Dylan's best interests at heart.  I believe that we are in an excellent school system that has a great special education program and am honestly thrilled to see how wonderful Dylan does in the fall. 

This entire IEP process has been especially interesting for me.  Not only because I am going through it with my son, but also because I have recently committed to obtaining my Master's Degree in Special Education.  I am currently taking my second grad course and to say that I am finding it interesting would be a major understatement.  I feel that this is what I am meant to be doing.  And how amazing to be able to arm myself with such valuable knowledge in order to best advocate for my son? 

I am blessed. We are blessed...

Why?

Sometimes, when difficult things are happening, I do not know what the reasoning behind it is.  I do not know why it is happening but yet I do believe that there is a reason. 

I remember seven months ago when I was looking for a place to live, I had found a house that I absolutely loved.  Turned out that I could not qualify to buy a place at that time and so I had to rent instead.  My sister was driving around condo searching with me and I asked her if she believed that things happened for a reason.  She said that she did and I said I thought I did too, but that if this is the case, why couldn't I buy this amazingly perfect and adorable house?  Why?  What could possibly be the reason?   

Turns out that there was a reason.  That was not our house.  This condo is our house and I now believe that it all worked out the way it was meant to.

Things are happening right now that are out of my control.  I do not know why they are happening and it's been difficult, tiring and frustrating.  Ever since I accepted the permanent substitute teaching job, things have not panned out the way that I had envisioned them.  It's not the job - the job is wonderful and has even reignited that spark that I once had for teaching.  I want to be back in the classroom.  I want that!  It's a part of me, I feel it, and prior to this job I was fearful that I had lost that desire. 

The problem is...at this point, I have missed more days than I have been there.  I accepted this job trying to help and actually have caused more trouble.   Part of my hope, too, was to accept this job as a starting point.  As a way to get my foot back in the door and perhaps a full time teaching job opportunity may arise for next year.  Perhaps they would think of me for that job. 

I do not see how this can be so now.  How could it be? 

Since I have started working, in one month Cassidy and Dylan have had the stomach flu, conjunctivitis, double ear infections, colds, strep throat, fevers, rashes, roseola...I know there is more but I can't even remember it all anymore.

Each time one of my children is not feeling well while at school, the nurse calls me and I have to leave to pick them up at school.  Each time a child is not feeling well in the morning, I have to call for a sub (even though I am the sub!).  Each time a child gets a fever, they need to be fever-free for 24 hours before returning to school.  Same goes for conjunctivitis.  And strep.  And roseola.

Why is this happening?  I mean besides the fact that this is what happens at daycare.  I get that.  I mean what is the big reason?  Is there a big reason?  I have to believe that there is because otherwise it's too hard.  I have to think that there is a reason why this has not worked out the way that I had wished...that perhaps I will look back on this time and understand that there was a plan after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had Dylan's very first IEP meeting this week.  I will share all of the details of that once I am able to think more clearly....: )

Live in your strength.

At this very moment, while I should be substitute teaching in a seventh grade language arts classroom, I am sitting here on my couch drinking green tea.  The message on the other end of my tea bag tells me, "Live in your strength." and I'm trying to.  I'm trying. 
After a week of sickness and a week of vacation, last week we made it through.  Success.  A full week of work and daycare was under our belts.  We did it.

This morning began another new week.  Health, happiness, teaching, daycare.  And tonight is my last graduate class, one in which I am scheduled to present my final research paper. 

So, wouldn't you know that half-way through the day today I got another phone call from the daycare nurse?  Cassidy is sick with a fever of 103.  "Can you please come and get her now?". 

Live in your strengh, I know.  But sometimes when you can not find your strength, even though you know you have it in there somewhere, it is very hard. 

I knew that this was not going to be easy, but I guess I was thinking more of the obvious reasons like starting out in a new classroom, learning the kids, the curriculum, grading papers, getting my own kids to daycare on time, picking them up, packing all of their belongings and keeping them organized.  Juggling my grad class reading and writing assignments.  What I didn't think about was all of the other stuff that comes up.  The life stuff that gets in the way.  Sickness.  Orthotic appointments.  Mandatory attendence at evaluations.  Ear tube appointments.  Tough adjustments.  Tired little ones.  Trying to make dinner and pack school lunches with the tired little ones under my feet. 

But. 

This too shall pass.  And in the meantime, I am going to find my strength again so that I can indeed live in it.