Monday, October 6, 2008

Am I doing enough?

Once the house is finally quiet and semi picked up, and the babies are in bed sleeping, I sit on the couch with a glass of wine and frequently ask myself these questions in regards to Dylan: Am I doing enough? Did I do enough today? Am I taking advantage of every opportunity? Is there anything more that I can do or should be doing for Dylan?

I try very hard to find balance in my days. I struggle though. I'm trying to find a balance with time...time with Cassidy, time with Dylan, time with Dave, time with me, time dedicated to cleaning the house - pfft!, time for exercising, cooking - oh wait I don't cook, uhm...time for connecting with others, relaxing...blah blah blah you know how it goes.

So alot of the time, I worry that I'm not doing enough with Dylan. I try to make the most out of every minute that he's awake, but sometimes I just can't...you know, when the laundry pile is tipping over, the phone is ringing, insurance bills are piling up on the table and my 2 year old is begging me to color. Sometimes I just can't sit on the floor and work on trunk strength. Therefore, sometimes Dylan is left in his swing to...well...you know, swing. Is that bad? I know that it's very important that I work on strengthening exercises with him, so I feel terribly guilty when I'm not using his awake time to it's fullest potential.

It's just that I do not want to ever regret not doing enough. I do not want to wonder if I could have done or should have done more to help him sit, crawl, walk or talk sooner or better or easier. I want to do everything in my power to help him. I want the best for my little guy.

But then I remember to breathe. This is not a competition or a race. I remember to slow down and enjoy the ride. That is what life is truly about, isn't it? I simply can not control everything...as much as I would like to, haha. Dylan is a baby. First and foremost I need to love him and enjoy him. Which I do. Trust me, I do.

How can you not love a face like this?


9 comments:

Kimberly said...

Laurie,
You are doing everything you possibly can. You are not expected to do that every waking second. You give him waht he needs and more. You are also a great mom to Cass as well as wife, daughter and sister. You are doing great!!

Cleo said...

You are giving Dylan the most important of all, your unconditional love. You are also giving your best to yourself, Dylan, Cassidy, Dave and all your family and friends. You are doing a tremendous job Laurie!!!. Love his face too. =)

Lisa said...

Ahhh, mommy guilt. I have come to believe that it's part of the mommy condition. I honestly feel that way about all my kids - am I doing enough? Am I encouraging them enough? Am I stimulating them enough? Am I listening to them enough? Am I being a good enough example? And the list goes on and on and on. And yes, I think we might feel the guilt a little more acutely with our "special" kids. Let's remind each other to give ourselves a break now and again, huh?

Lis said...

Awesome face. And you are doing all you can, its tough to balance things, you do what you can when you can!

Karly said...

I still have not found an answer to this question. But I figure I have a very happy, healthy kid and that's what matters...actually that's what matters for both my kids.

And that picture sure looks like one happy, healthy kid! Great job, mama!

Andi said...

You are doing a phenomenal job. But there is one thing that I worry about...you. Taking the time for YOU. Even if you just go for a little pedicure or a walk on your own. You are amazing. But you need to take care of yourself too sweetie. And that face...I adore it!!

blessingsandglory said...

That darn guilt just sneaks it's way in doesn't it? I'm only one year into this, but you will find a balance. Between your role as mom, physical therapist, nutritionist, insurance coordinator - you name it - one of the many hats you will wear at some point, you will discover that by doing the best you can, well that is enough. And remember - at this stage, Dylan just needs his mommy and the love of his family.

And you're right you can't help but love a face like that - what a cutie!

SelahCafe said...

Dylan is such a handsome little guy!! You are a great mommy!

theresad said...

I feel the same way most of the time. Having a toddler definitely cuts into newborn time!
Dylan is sooo cute! oh, and Cassidy is looking so grown up!